Two Ways to Be Attractive
A lot of men crave feedback about sex and relationships. This is pretty normal for systems thinkers. But, often, there isn’t a chance to receive feedback when it comes to dating or sex. Here, you have the chance to hear Polina’s story about her experiences dating and relating with men in STEM. Listen and read for what you can learn and for where you can see yourself in this experience.
Polina’s story highlights two attributes that, when you have them, are highly attractive to women:
- Open-mindedness: Not just saying you’re open-minded, but acting on your open-mindedness
- Having Varied Interests: Curiosity is sexy AF
About Polina
Coming from a family of scientists, Polina has a lot of experience with men in STEM. Polina is a 37-year-old from Russia. She started dating later in life. Her experience in dating is vast, from blind dates to meeting people through her family and friends and even finding herself on ICQ in the early days of online dating.
After difficulty with commitment and knowing what she wants, she now finds herself in a 3-year relationship with a man outside of her younger self’s comfort zone.
Dating Men in STEM
When she first started dating, Polina was driven by finding a husband. She wasn’t supportive of casual or polyamorous dating then but, as time went on, she found herself more interested in one-night stands. The shift happened after being in difficult relationships where commitment, or the lack thereof, was traumatizing.
“I was very much driven by the concept {gender roles}, and through international experience, I became more empowered.”
She shares that an early view of gender roles controlled who or what she was looking for, and typically the men she dated always asked her out. Instead of focusing on her own desires, she waited for the interest of a man to drive these interactions. Her dating web was made of of her social circle, colleagues, classmates, and meeting partners online.
Attraction to Men in STEM
Polina’s was initially not at all interested in men in STEM, mostly because she immediately thought of her brother and his friends, who are into computer science. Early in dating, she didn’t find herself attracted to engineers or men in digital infrastructure, even though her current partner fits in this group.
She desired a partner who is supportive, honest, and open – open to things, adventures, new knowledge, and new people. She also wanted acceptance for who she is. Previously, she would look for a man who could provide. With travel and experience, she’s changed how she looks at her own power, and how financial responsibility can be split.
The Attractive and Frustrating Things About Men in STEM
Polina shared her view that men in STEM, specifically those in computer science, had so much passion for their craft. Even though she has limited knowledge in this area, when these men start speaking about what they do, their passion for their work is compelling. It’s sexy to explore an unknown world. She notes, however, that passion for more than just STEM is sexier.
What’s frustrating? Fitting into their box of desires. Many of these guys wanted to work at night, so Polina felt like she was always the one changing her schedule to suit her partner’s preferences. “You’re struggling not with a person, but with a passion they have,” she summarized.
Polina decided to invest some energy into pulling her partners out of their comforts zone, away from work and a closed social circle out into the wider world. One big drawback she’s experienced is when someone has little flexibility in meeting new people, having new experiences, or lacks a sense of adventure. Finally, she also noticed that, with some partners, she struggled to find a place in their world, somewhere that she fit in to the fabric of life.
Take-Aways
Polina’s resounding recommendation for men in STEM and the women that date them comes down to one thing: be open-minded. Open-mindedness took her from the experience of avoiding science guys when she was younger to ultimately finding herself in a 3-year relationship with that exact type. Equally, an open mind is an important quality she looks for in a man. As you move through life, be open to the unknown and leap out of the box.
