It’s all too common for straight men to look to their female partners to make them feel more secure and safe in their masculinity in the bedroom. For instance, according to a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research, many men seem to treat their female partners’ orgasms as a confidence booster and a way to feel more masculine and successful.

While it is understandable that we all want to give pleasure to our partners and feel a rush when seeing them in the throes of passion, having the wrong motivations is a sure path to resentment.

If you ever find yourself hellbent on making your partner orgasm, it might be a good idea to take a step back and consider the reasons behind this drive. To help you on this journey, Dr. Valeria and I recorded an episode of the Get Sex Smart podcast dealing specifically with this issue.

In Episode 69 you will learn:

• the details of the aforementioned study
• what masculine (and feminine) gender role stress is
• the relationship between gender role stress and the performance model in sex
• how focusing on performance affects your ability to enjoy sex
• the difference between feeling pleasure when your partner is experiencing orgasm and using it as validation
• the impact of porn and society on men’s attitudes towards sex
• all about the connection between using women’s orgasms as confidence boosters and women faking orgasms (we recorded a separate episode about that)
• the support men need from society as a whole
• what women need to be able to experience orgasm and fully sexually express themselves
• how to start a conversation about this with your partner