Do Men Need Female Orgasms to Feel More Confident and Masculine?

April 8, 2019

  minute READ

It’s all too common for straight men to look to their female partners to make them feel more secure and safe in their masculinity in the bedroom. For instance, according to a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research, many men seem to treat their female partners’ orgasms as a confidence booster and a way to feel more masculine and successful.

While it is understandable that we all want to give pleasure to our partners and feel a rush when seeing them in the throes of passion, having the wrong motivations is a sure path to resentment.

If you ever find yourself hellbent on making your partner orgasm, it might be a good idea to take a step back and consider the reasons behind this drive. To help you on this journey, Dr. Valeria and I recorded an episode of the Get Sex Smart podcast dealing specifically with this issue.

In Episode 69 you will learn:

  • the details of the aforementioned study
  • what masculine (and feminine) gender role stress is
  • the relationship between gender role stress and the performance model in sex
  • how focusing on performance affects your ability to enjoy sex
  • the difference between feeling pleasure when your partner is experiencing orgasm and using it as validation
  • the impact of porn and society on men’s attitudes towards sex
  • all about the connection between using women’s orgasms as confidence boosters and women faking orgasms (we recorded a separate episode about that)
  • the support men need from society as a whole
  • what women need to be able to experience orgasm and fully sexually express themselves
  • how to start a conversation about this with your partner
About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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