How to Actually Survive Mismatched Desires

October 3, 2019

  minute READ

Erotic incompatibility is one of the most common issues that lead couples to seek the help of a sex coach. It can take many forms – be it a mismatch in libido, kinks and fetishes or sexual fantasies and preferences.

Navigating these incompatibilities can be extremely challenging for both sides and in some cases the only feasible solution is to part ways. That said, often the missing ingredients are open communication, compromise and a bit of curiosity.

In this episode of the Get Sex Smart podcast, I sat down with Dr. Valeria to share the ways in which you can manage the difficult emotions that accompany erotic incompatibility as well as advice on how to navigate communicating and negotiation and reach possible solutions.

In Episode 75 you will learn: 

  • why common beliefs about “the power of love” can be so damaging
  • the importance of sex and sexual compatibility in a relationship
  • the ways in which shame can hinder communication
  • the different types of erotic incompatibility
  • the multitude of reasons for libido mismatch
  • why postponing communication about your incompatibilities is a bad idea
  • the importance of compassion – both towards yourself and your partner
  • actionable advice on how to approach conversations about erotic incompatibility, fetishes and preference
  • the three main things that facilitate open and honest communication
  • how to react when your partner reveals something that makes you feel surprised, baffled or even threatened
  • how to deescalate such conversations and make them more managable
  • the importance of realistic expectations
  • that happens, what to say and do
  • how to tell if a boundary is healthy
  • the difference between maintaining your boundaries and denying someone their sexuality
  • how to navigate consent in these conversations
About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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