How to Be Confident If You’re a Virgin

October 17, 2019

  minute READ

A little while back on the Get Sex Smart podcast, Dr. Valeria Chuba and I discussed how to approach having sex when one of you is a virgin – both from the point of view of the less experienced and the more experienced partner (if you haven’t heard that episode, be sure to check it out here).

In this episode, we decided to shift focus and discuss some of the myths and anxieties surrounding virginity, drawing on our experiences working with self-identified virgins.

There is certainly a lot of pressure and anxiety around “virginity”. Rather than being told to listen to our bodies and do what feels right, we are often pressured either to wait or to “get it over with” as quickly as possible, depending on factors such as gender.

In such circumstances, being a virgin (especially if you’re a man) can often bring about feelings of shame and fear, making it that much more difficult to engage in first time partner sex. To help counteract this, we put together this must-listen episode for all the virgins out there.

In Episode 77 you will learn: 

  • what is problematic about the concept of virginity
  • the statistics on self-identified virgins
  • important to recognize that you’re not the only one
  • what the spiral effect is and how it can get in the way of what you want
  • the different ways in which women’s and men’s virginities are treated
  • what obsessing over losing your virginity does to your perception of sex
  • how sex coaches can help
  • what you need on your journey to find partnered sex
  • how to combat anxiety about your virginity and losing it
  • what to educate yourself on and where to find the resources
  • how you can learn to be better at sex even before getting to partnered sex
  • what qualities to focus on when looking for a partner for your first time
  • the benefits of hiring a sex worker for the purpose of losing your virginity
About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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