The Difference Between Secrets and Privacy in Relationships

August 11, 2020

  minute READ

What Info Should You Share With Your Sexual Partners?

We all have boundaries and expectations of what should be shared with our partner(s) once we enter a relationship. These expectations can be shaped by numerous factors, from past history to our cultural background.

But, when it comes to sex, most of us have a past, along with some secrets and information that we would prefer to keep private or aren’t ready to share early on in a relationship.

So, what exactly should you be sharing with your partners, and how much? And does the answer vary depending on the length of your relationship? In order to help resolve any uncertainty you might have about what’s secret versus what’s private, Dr. Valeria and I teamed up to discuss what is reasonable to keep to yourself and what should be revealed in sexual relationships when it comes to your sexual past.

Tune in for Episode 89 of the Get Sex Smart podcast to learn:

  • how culture plays into the norms for what should be shared and the degree of autonomy expected within relationships;
  • how to balance our desire for autonomy with our desire for connection;
  • about need to know vs want to know: what the difference between privacy and autonomy and secrets is,  and what factors might shape it;
  • what to do if your partner doesn’t want to know about your past but you want to share;
  • when asking about your partner’s sexual past can turn into a red flag or even become abusive;
  • crucial things that your sexual partner deserves to know, even if you’re not in a relationship;
  • the most common things that people undershare or overshare.
About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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