The Startling Truth that Rejection is Awesome

July 16, 2020

  minute READ

Say What?

Even if it’s hard to believe at first, rejection is, in fact, awesome.

It’s the fear of rejection that sucks. This fear, though, is completely understandable. Human survival instincts insist that rejection means something personal, that you must be unlovable, unattractive or unwanted. 

The brain views social pain exactly the same way it does physical pain, so you’re not imagining things. 

Fear leads to avoidance. If you’re avoiding rejection, you’re not asking for what you want. You’re not speaking up for your desires.

Thing is, actual rejection is a great way to save you time and will help you more quickly have the experiences you want.

Rejection is Honest and Direct

Your time is too valuable to waste on someone who just isn’t a good match. The quicker rejection comes, the quicker you get to move along with your life. Remember – a ‘no’ early in a relationship makes it clear that this person is not the one for you!

Instead of going over the details and searching for reasons to blame yourself, use that valuable time to search for a partner who is as excited about you as you are about them. 

Honesty in relationships is sexy.

New Possibilities

When you get comfortable with rejection, a whole world of new opportunities opens up to you.

Having the freedom to ask for what you actually want is a liberation. You can unlock so many new experiences when both you and your partner feel comfortable saying and hearing  ‘no’.

What could happen if you were to ask for exactly what you want in life and the bedroom? What new kinks or fantasies might you explore?

What do you do when someone says no?

Say thank you. 

Thank them for taking care of themselves and for being caring to you. Taking the time to be honest is important. Own it. 

Until you can trust someones no, you can never trust their yes.

If you can’t fully trust someone’s yes, how will you be impacted by that?

It’s not a one-time thing, ‘no’.

If you don’t feel safe saying no, that impacts both the clothes on and clothes off parts of your relationship. If someone doesn’t feel safe saying no, then they are going to severely limit the repertoire of things they say yes to.

You want to create a relationship where anyone can ask for anything and no is always an acceptable answer. That is where the gold is.


Welcoming rejection is a total ninja skill. It will set you apart and help you stand out. When you invite saying ‘no,’ you help your partner feel seen and heard.

Spend time getting comfortable with no as a perfectly valuable answer. Giving your partner permission to say no shows you’ve spent time on yourself and your internal work is in motion. This state of being exudes confidence, and confidence is attractive!

Rejection is necessary for a well-lived life. The first no in any relationship is powerful. Instead of dreading it, what might happen if you got excited instead?

About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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