Get on the path to confidence after big life events and changes using the power of pleasure and sexuality, without all the self-blame and shame.

Confidence in the middle of big life events and changes isn’t easy.

Whether you’re coming off of a divorce or the end of a long relationship, coming up on a birthday ending in zero and sick of being a virgin or single, suddenly living in an empty nest, or gearing up to come out, you’ve been working to build your confidence and somehow you’re still not quite "there" yet.

And losing your confidence is costing you:

Hours of your life to that vortex of anxiety-fuelled what-ifs and the highlight reel of your regrets

Connection and intimacy you could be sharing with people who accept you just as you are (right here, right now)

Actual cash money because you don’t ask for the raise you deserve or you keep undercharging, nevermind what you've been spending on video games, wine, or other distractions

Orgasms… you're missing so. many. orgasms. (even if you already have a partner)

It doesn’t have to be this way. Let us show you how your personal journey of sexual discovery and expression can root you in deep and enduring confidence.

Pleasure and Sexuality Are the Answers You've Been Looking For

It might seem strange to focus on pleasure and sexuality when you're going through pain and heartache...

...but you've been suspicious already, to be honest.

Like this nagging thought in the back of your mind that doesn't go away, a little voice inside that says things like:

  • What would happen if I put myself first this time?
  • I'm allowed to explore my sexuality...
  • Maybe a lot of what I've heard about how I have to be to be loved is just... wrong
  • There's no such thing as too old or too late

Focusing on sexuality and pleasure as part of personal growth and self-exploration can feel taboo (and you've got society and culture to "thank" for that).

Friend, that's exactly why it is what you've been missing.

Your sexuality is a powerful and important part of you. The more you connect to your sexuality, the more you can access this life force energy in ways that feel authentic and good.

When you feel good, you increase your capacity for action. Prioritizing pleasure is a radical act.

Enter: The Pleasure Union

The Unique Community of Support, Growth, and Play for People Going Through It (a.k.a. experiencing big life events or changes)

Step fully into your confident life without shame holding you back

Blow your own mind with your personal growth and progress

Enjoy sex and relationships without feeling like a used car salesman or a doormat

Have Experiences Like These

When I started working with Sarah, I hadn't been on a single date in my life and had no idea how would I even get one. By the end of our work, I've found myself routinely going on more dates in a single week than during the 10 years prior, combined, and being a rejector more often than a rejectee.

Matthew*, 27


I went to Sarah's workshop and less then a month later, I've found my girlfriend. Since I've started going to Sarah's events, I've learned a lot about sexuality, consent and communication and slowly but surely, started applying all of that wonderful knowledge to my own personal life. 

Vernon*, 24


My confidence level is quite high after a long time. I have never been so confident around women frankly. It feels so much simpler and easier. I even had a meeting with my manager's manager today and he told me he has never seen me so confident before!

Krish*, 35


Sarah taught me dating methods which are efficient, but at the same time - decent, with care for the other side. E.g. how to communicate directly about sexual or romantic interaction, in a clear way, without being needy or creepy. Most importantly - it works! I got a few respectful NOes and, well, a few YESes.

Piotr*, 32

data scientist

Sarah is normal. You can just talk to her, it won't be intimidating, it won't be awkward. She has this incredible skill of explaining feelings stuff in a logical, almost mathematical way.

She translates emotional to geeky. Sheldon Cooper would get laid in no time after having the talk with Sarah.

Connor*, 31

Medical Doctor

I am literally a different person. I know this sounds like hyperbole, but my friends noticed the change. Even I don't recognise myself sometimes. Life has become effortless. I navigate the world with a sense of agency. I am comfortable in social situations and no longer care what other people think. It's liberating.

Kamal*, 44

Medical Doctor

*Names and images changed to preserve client confidentiality. Their words are real.

Return to yourself and your birthright confidence through sexuality and pleasure.

What You Get

A curated collection of events to build your knowledge and skills, bring you together in community, and support your journey of self-discovery so that you can step fully into your birthright confidence.

Foundations Playshops (Live & Recorded)

Become a masterful lover and live your desire-led, sex-forward, pleasure-focused life! The Foundations Playshops take you through exactly that - building the solid foundation you can use to normalize pleasure and build deeply rooted sexual confidence. Led by Sarah Martin, founder of The Union.

Explorations & Playshops (Live, Sometimes Recorded)

Every month join us for a range of Explorations or Playshops presented by professional members of The Union. Some of our events include group practice, discussion groups, Q&A sessions, writing workshops, storytelling, body poems, guided meditations, breathwork, and more!

Group Coaching (Live & Recorded)

This is the place for you to bring your challenges and questions about anything dating, sex, and relationships! Our group coaching supports everything we cover in the Foundations playshops and is how you can get customized support and guidance and learn from others who are going through it like you. Led by Sarah Martin.

Community Organizer Mentorship (Live & Recorded)

Paging community organizers - this is the support you've been looking for! Whether you run a local polyamory group, sex positive book club, sex positive meetup, support group, or if you’re currently a sexuality professional who does group work, come to the monthly mentorship session. And if you've been thinking about starting a group some day, you're very welcome, too! Led by Sarah Martin.

Self-Paced Courses

Everyone who joins the Union gets access to Sensuality for Overthinkers, the mini-course that teaches you how to master the basics of embodiment and add more pleasure to your everyday life. Increase sensual awareness in your everyday life, get out of your mind and into your body, and create a daily sensual meditation practice using tools directly from the Dignified Hedonist vault!

What We've Been Up to Recently
Here's How It Works:
Step 1

After you join The Pleasure Union, login to the membersite and go to The Pleasure Union Hub.

You'll see New Members Start Here - that's the place to go! Begin with your New Member Orientation.

Step 2

Next, you'll want to make sure to subscribe to the Calendar of Events. The Calendar is at the heart of The Pleasure Union and is the best way to know what's coming up!

Step 3

Get in community! Join The Local: The Pleasure Union private Facebook group and come to your first event - we can't wait to meet you!

Step 4

Blow your own mind as you go on a journey of personal discovery. Explore the recordings library and dive into the topics that pique your interest. Get stuck in to the Foundations course. Don't hesitate to lean on our community when the going gets tough, and come celebrate with us as you experience wins!

Here's What You Really Want to Know ;)
Join the pleasure union today for

$79 / month

  • Access to the ENTIRE calendar of events for one simple price
  • Group Coaching, Discussion Groups, Playshops, Self-Paced Courses, Mentorship, and More Every Month
  • Qualified, Professional Facilitators
  • A Community of Other People on a Similar, Life-Changing Journey
  • Eveything you've ever wanted to know about dating, sex, and pleasure
  • Ongoing support and answers to your important questions
The Union's Solidarity Membership Options

We believe capitalism wreaks havoc on our relationships and does a lot of damage to our experiences of sexuality and pleasure. We have anti-capitalism baked into our work, and one of our core values is non-exploitation.

We offer solidarity places at 50% and 100% discounts. Anyone may opt for a Solidarity 50 space by using the code SOLIDARITY50 at checkout.

For Solidarity 100 places, we currently have 5 available. If you are interested in a solidarity 100 place, please contact sarah [at] dignifiedhedonist [dot] com. More places will be made available as membership grows.

Solidarity places are offered on an honor system with no application process. We trust you

What Others Are Saying About This Work

Hey, I'm Sarah Martin (she/her)!

I guide people going through big life changes into a world of pleasure and delight.

I'm an anti-fascist sex and dating coach and the person who founded The Pleasure Union.

I’m a cisgender, bisexual, kinky woman with a huge libido.

When I was young, I was bullied about my body and appearance. I wondered if I'd ever get to have sex. I also spent quite a few years in the wrong relationships.

Everything changed when my first marriage ended, and I went on a journey of sexual self-discovery. Pleasure saved me, brought me back to myself, and created a space for self-love to blossom. It became my mission to carry this message to others and therefore create a kinder, more loving, and more delight-filled world.

Meet My Co-Conspirators!

ieva bach (she/they)

A non-binary, queer, kinky and non-monogamous person, I sparkle and jump into action with my full heart when it comes to sluttyness, pleasure, and sharing with others, where I focus on our body wisdom. I long for touch and connection, and I’ve also always longed for a community – through lonely teenage years to confusing 20s, and exciting 30s.

But… connection, community and pleasure… I didn’t hear about those from my teachers, elders, or supposed authority figures. In fact, pretty soon I realised connection, community, and pleasure are the exact opposite of deeply rooted neo-fascist, colonial, and capitalist ways of thinking, learning, and relating to others that currently dominate the world I’ve come to realise that so many people feel the same. So many feel ‘outside’ but still longing. So I say fuck it. Let’s fight back with our pleasure, together. I welcome you here!

Kasia Zoltak (she/her)

I’m Kasia but feel free to call me Kate. I’m a cisgender woman and a raging lesbian. Professionally I’m a psychologist, sexologist, and sex coach in training. 

As a lesbian living in Poland, I experienced homophobia on a daily basis and wanted to fight back. As I started to learn more about human sexuality, I realized how oppressive social norms can get. I see the toxic narratives creep into the lives of many people, including mine and other LGBTQ+ folks. I’m still on my journey to detangle the views that have been sown in me. One of the things that I love most is helping others to be their authentic sexual selves. I’m excited to be a part of this space and to changing the world with pleasure, together.

Your Community of Support, Growth, and Play 

Union Rules

We are coming together in community from a variety of backgrounds and we're impacted by different intersectional factors. To build a safer space for us to learn, grow, and play together, all members are asked to agree with the following Union Rules & Guiding Principles.

Be Kind

We're all in this together to create a welcoming environment. Let's treat everyone with respect for their autonomy and personhood. We'll disagree sometimes, but kindness is required.

Zero Tolerance for Bullying or Hate Speech

Bullying of any kind isn't allowed, and degrading comments about things such as race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, gender or identity will not be tolerated... and anyway, why tf would you join an explicitly anti-fascist community if you want to do hate speech? You will be removed from the Union immediately if you do this.

We’re All Problematic & Committed to Change

When joining the Union, we all acknowledge that we are problematic. We all have internalised some elements of one or more systems of oppression or power hierarchies that govern our societies, including patriarchy, white supremacy, and capitalism, depending on our intersections. We acknowledge that we have been shaped by the systems of power and oppression we have grown up within. We acknowledge that in some parts of our lives, we hold unearned, undeserved advantages. When you join the Union, you confirm you have this self-awareness and also a commitment to the challenging work of deconstruction and inquiry.

Las Vegas Rule

Being part of the Union requires mutual trust. Authentic, expressive discussions are what we’re here for and are often sensitive and private. What's shared in the Union should stay in the Union. Know going in that we cannot guarantee this behavior in others - we aim to make this a safer space as no space can be said to be 100% safe. You can share about your Union experience, please do not share about the experiences of others. The Las Vegas Rule will be clarified at the beginning of every session in the Union, please ask questions if anything is unclear.

Commitment to Non-Exploitation

Organizing the Union requires labor - from guest experts, leaders, and facilitators. Please use the communication channels indicated. Please do not personally DM guest experts, leaders, facilitators, or other group members without asking permission first.

Mindful, Non-Exploitative Venting

We know dating, sex, and relationships often trigger strong emotional responses. Venting is allowed under the following circumstances: 1. You begin posts within the community space with #vent 2. You add content warnings to posts upfront 3. You keep posts to around 250 words and add spaces between paragraphs 4. You accept consensual participation, which means some days you may not receive responses 5. Live group spaces will indicate if space is being held for personal sharing or venting. Understand that the facilitator may bring a close to your share to allow others to participate.

Not Therapy

We know that most of us in this space have our own experiences of shock or developmental trauma. We know many people lack access to mental health support. It's important to make clear that the work we do in this group isn't a replacement for therapy and cannot be considered as mental health care.

A Word About Capitalism

This is an explicitly anti-capitalist space. We believe that capitalism wreaks havoc on human relating. We are also running a business while doing the work of deconstructing from capitalism. Part of that is unlearning exploitation and discovering enough. We have a commitment to anti-capitalist, non-exploitative pricing and a commitment to non-exploitative labor practices for the experts and facilitators who make this community possible.  

Are you ready to reclaim your confidence?


How do I know if this is right for me?

The Pleasure Union is right for you if you're ready to go on a journey of self-exploration that doesn't force you into some socially sanctioned box, but where you have the freedom to discover what is true for you. This isn't likely the first time you've thought about the role your sexuality might play in your life and this definitely isn't the very first personal development activity you've ever done. You're coming in with some experience and an open mind.

Are you Anti-Racist?

Yes. The Pleasure Union incapsulates a politics of dignity - honoring the autonomy and personhood of others. We are an anti-fascist organization, meaning we are explicitly anti-racist. We are anti-capitalist, honoring of gender, sexual, and relationship diversity, embracing of functional diversity, sex positive, sex worker friendly, and justice oriented. We're also people still on this journey and we know we harbor unconscious bias and problematic ways of thinking. We're committed to the lifelong work of rooting these influences out.

Who can you hold space for?

We recognize that we're better able to hold space for some people than others currently as a collective. We're very well placed to hold space for sexual, gender, and relationship diversity, kink and kinkiness, sex workers, people who have left purity culture or other high control religions, and neurodivergent people.

We are less equipped to hold space for Black people, people of color, and functionally diverse / disabled people, primarily because we are lacking this representation within our community and leadership and know that this means we have blindspots. This is an area of ongoing development and we are actively seeking to increase representation in our leadership and member community.

When can I get started?

Right now, immediately. You can join The Pleasure Union today and receive instant access to the Membersite, which includes a weath of resources (if you're the exploring-dipping-in-and-out kind of person) as well as a few clear paths (if you want to follow a structure and not get overwhelmed with choice). We have live events every week, so it won't be long before you can come see us on Zoom.

How long does it take?

To experience results from this community takes less time than you'd think and more time than you want, in equal measure. What I mean by that is - some things start to happen very quickly when you begin implementing the behavioural and mindset shifts we teach in the Union, and also that creating lasting habits, thought patterns, and changes in life takes time. Our suggestion is to plan to be with us for at least 12 months for the best outcomes.

I'm working full-time. Will I be able to benefit from The Union?

Yes! Most of what goes down in The Union is recorded, so you can catch up on those events you cannot attend live. And for the events that are live only, we hold them at different times of day, to give our members the opportunity to join live when it's convenient for them.

Does membership include any one-on-one sessions?

Nope. The Union is a group experience. You may choose to book 1:1 sessions with Union Leadership or Guest Experts (we're all practitioners who work with people 1:1!) by enrolling with them directly and paying their fees for 1:1 client work. 

Are there any pre-requisites to join The Union?

You must agree to be governed within The Union by the principles set out in the Union Rules (listed earlier on this page). If you don't jive with those principles, don't sign up. 

Can I invite my friends?

Yes! Tell everyone you think might be interested - your barber, your dentist, your friends, your great-aunt. Send them the link to this page and encourage them to come join us. And if they're not ready yet? Let them know about the Slutty Activism podcast - it's a great place to start!

My question isn't here...

If you still have questions, feel free to use the "message us" box in the lower right hand side of this screen (Sarah monitors this - like yes it's actually me who will reply to you there!) or drop me an email at sarah [at] dignifiedhedonist [dot] com.