Should Women Make Men Wait for Sex in New Relationships?

August 10, 2020

  minute READ

“Make him work for it” – that’s the message many women hear from dating experts specializing in heterosexual relationships. They are urged to withhold sex in new relationships with men as a way of securing their commitment to them. This advice is rooted in the belief that withholding sex creates a challenge so many men crave and increases a woman’s value, while simultaneously existing as a reward that needs to be earned through commitment. But should you listen to this piece of advice if your goal is to build a healthy and rewarding relationship, or is this another case of dating advice that can easily backfire?

In this episode, Dr. Valeria and I take a good look at this type of dating advice, discuss what possible consequences following it may have for your relationship and sex life, and give our own view of how first time sex should be handled in new relationships.

Listen to Episode 87 to find out:

  • why this type of advice appeals to us;
  • the ideas and views on sex that stand behind this advice;
  • the differences between dating advice geared towards women versus towards men and the reasons behind them;
  • the long-term impact that following this advice may have on both men and women and on the longevity and quality of your sexual relationship;
  • how this approach ties into the objectification of both men and women and ironically takes away women’s agency;
  • some alternative approaches which are likely to be more rewarding and empowering;
  • what you lose by using sex as a tool in your relationship and what you can gain by having sex before committing to someone;
  • some good reasons to withhold sex at the beginning of a relationship.
About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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