Big City Problems

Cities are full of ambitious city people who want to have vibrant careers and smokin’ hot love lives.

It’s no surprise that a lot of urban dwellers have an experience like this:

“I met this woman and she’s great! We’ve been on a couple of dates, got on well, and I really like her. But, I’ve asked to set up another date a few times now and she keeps saying “I’m busy.”

I suggested a day to meet, a time, and something to do, and same response. What gives? Is she really busy?”

What “I’m Busy” Means

When someone says, “I’m busy,”  they always mean one of two things:

#1: I’m actually, genuinely, really busy

#2: You are not a priority for me

You don’t need to know which of these two is in play with the person you’re seeing, because the same response works equally well.

Here’s the exact script to use if you’ve suggested two meetings and been met with “I’m busy” both times:

“Hey 🙂 Thanks for letting me know, I understand! I’d still like to see you when the timing is better. Please let me know when works better for you. I will wait to hear back from you :)”

Once you’ve said that, take a step back, leave some space, and carry on with your life. Set up meetings with other people if you want. Make your own plans.

If they are genuinely busy, removing the pressure and guilt that come with turning down meetings is the best possible thing you can do.

If you’re not a priority, that’s ok – carry on with your life, without waiting on them.

Ultimately, time availability is a compatibility factor.

If you want to spend lots of time together with a dating partner and they only want to see you once a month, it doesn’t mean anyone is a bad person, just that you’re not a match in terms of the time you want to spend together.