One Woman’s Unusual Approach to Setting Up Dates

February 17, 2021  

  minute READ

Photo by Andrew Kondrakov on Unsplash

Meet Mari, a 32-year-old woman from Finland. Describing herself as a huge nerd, she shares that communication is key and why asking for a date through email takes some of the pressure off.

Dating Men in STEM

When asked about her familiarity in dating men in STEM, Mari noted that she has asked out men, and they, her equally. Mostly done through email, because asking out in person can be intimidating, doing so through text or email can make the interaction more comfortable. This method gives more time to think, without the pressure of immediate reciprocation. 

Mari finds herself dating calming men with an analytical approach and world view, having the willingness to discuss without needing her to be their source of excitement and fun. She’s not interested in ‘being a way of lighting up their boring lives’.

According to Mari, men in STEM are unaware that it’s attractive when they stop to think about things before they do them. Although this can mean they lack spontaneity, realizing your shortcomings is attractive. On the other side, the inability to show weakness or clinging to macho ideals does come with this territory. Overconfidence in yourself and clinging to status is offputting.

Attraction to Men in STEM

Physically, Mari fancies a man with glasses and long hair. Personality-wise, having some confidence while being able to question themselves and the world is attractive. Willing to make the first move is also nice because realizing someone is into me is attractive. 

“Feeling desired is sexy.”

What’s not so attractive? Poor personal hygiene is at the top of the list. However, communication comes in again. Having the openness to confirm the wants from the relationship is not only attractive but comforting. Ask, if you’re into something, or have a kink, talk about it first. Having the conviction to do so is charming.

Knowing its Time

How do you know when you’d like to have sex with a partner? Interested in sex. Confirmation of their interest is important. Sometimes it’s hard to judge your own desire, without knowing that the desire with be met. The awkwardness of sharing what you desire is possible with women as well.


Mari recommends open and honest conversation, because  ‘conversation is everything.’ Having clarity in each relationship, while being willing to learn and reassess with each partner is key. She also shares how knowing she’s desired, and transparency around your desires is helpful, giving others the space to express their own.

About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that helps horny people get laid ethically. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

Quite Possibly the Best Newsletter Ever

Want to be part of the inner circle? If you enjoyed One Woman’s Unusual Approach to Setting Up Dates, friend, come join us on the inside by signing up below.