One Woman’s Unusual Approach to Setting Up Dates

February 17, 2021

  minute READ

Meet Mari, a 32-year-old woman from Finland. Describing herself as a huge nerd, she shares that communication is key and why asking for a date through email takes some of the pressure off.

Dating Men in STEM

When asked about her familiarity with dating men in STEM, Mari noted that she has asked men out about as often as they’ve asked her out. Most of the time this was done through email, because asking someone out in person can be intimidating. Asking someone out through text or email, on the other hand, can make the interaction more comfortable. This method gives everyone more time to think, without the pressure of immediate response. 

Mari finds herself dating calming men with an analytical approach and world view, who have the willingness to engage in a relationship without needing her to be their source of excitement and fun. She’s not interested in “being a way of lighting up their boring lives.”

According to Mari, men in STEM are unaware that it’s attractive when they stop to think about things before they do them. Although this can mean they lack spontaneity, realizing your shortcomings is attractive. On the other side, the inability to show weakness or clinging to macho ideals can come with the territory. Overconfidence in yourself and clinging to status is off-putting.

Attraction to Men in STEM

Physically, Mari fancies a man with glasses and long hair. Personality-wise, having some confidence while being able to question themselves and the world is attractive. Being willing to make the first move is also nice because realizing someone is into her is attractive. 

“Feeling desired is sexy.”

What’s not attractive? Poor personal hygiene is at the top of the list. However, communication comes in again. Having the openness to confirm the wants from the relationship is not only attractive but comforting. If you’re into something, or have a kink, talk about it first. Having the conviction to do so is charming.

Knowing It’s Time

Mari knows she’d like to have sex with someone when she feels interested in sex – simple! Confirmation of mutual interest is also important. Sometimes it’s hard to judge your own desire, without knowing that the desire will be met. The awkwardness of sharing what you desire is common with women, too.


Mari recommends open and honest conversation, because  “conversation is everything.” Having clarity in each relationship, while being willing to learn and reassess with each partner is key. She also shares how knowing she’s desired, and transparency around your desires, is helpful, because it gives others the space to express their desires, too.

About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that helps horny people get laid ethically. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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