This Swedish 20-Something Actually Wants You to Be Selective

October 12, 2020

  minute READ

About Maple

Let’s meet Maple – a twenty-something woman who is dating a man in engineering. Maple studies chemical engineering herself, and with a side hustle in science communication, she’s here to share with you some conclusions and feedback she’s drawn from dating, working with, and being around STEM men. 

“Nerds are really awesome partners and really awesome friends.”

Dating Men in STEM

What are some qualities in STEM men that Maple particularly loves? Conversation, and their knack for asking a ton of questions. Dating becomes so much more interesting when the other person is genuinely listening. The desire to gain a new perspective and analyze is attractive.  

Interest is important, and women want to feel like men are interested in them and what they have to say. 

What’s an instant turn off? The presumption by some men that what they do or their career is too complicated to explain. If you can’t explain it, then you don’t have a strong enough understanding yourself. Also, continue to try! Explaining complex things in a way that is intuitive is attractive and bodes for a well-rounded individual. 

What doesn’t matter that men make a big deal out of? According to Maple, the traditional ‘rules’ of dating are less important to most women now. Instead of getting hung up on what’s acceptable, notice details, be kind and genuine. The last thing a date should be is forced.

Relationships with Men in STEM

Maple is in a relationship with a ‘nerd’ for the first time. So, what’s particularly sexy about men in STEM? 

A man who can explain something complex is sexy. A man who is kind and caring is sexy.

She suggests that women pay attention to your date’s interactions with service workers and their enthusiasm to get to know you. It’s a window into how they treat all people. It’s also a huge turn on when a man can say, “I know nothing about that, but please tell me more.” It’s a sign of confidence, feeling safe enough to show that there is something you don’t know. 

What’s unattractive? Negativity! When negativity is frequent and unnecessary it takes away the joy. Cut the shit with self-deprecation – it shows insecurity.

Sex with Men in STEM

This is where things heat up.

Maple knows that she’d like to have sex with a partner when she’s developed a friendship, she believes that sex can be an additional facet to friendship.

This idea really proves that women do not need to be convinced to have sex, even casual sex. 

For Maple, and many other women, personal chemistry is the most important thing. Your chemistry with your partner is reliant on how comfortable you feel at the moment, therefore good communication and trust is critical. Feeling comfortable enough to express what you want and how you feel openly is important to her because communication and checking in is important to her pleasure.

In fact, she wishes men would ask more questions. 

What does she wish men would do less of? Worring about the details. Bodies will body, but the important thing is two people have decided to embark on a journey together, and are accepting of what happens.


Maple shares her side of the experience of dating, relationships, and sex with men in STEM. Maple shared some juicy details with us, including her philosophy for sleeping with friends, and her perspective on a man who can admit he doesn’t know everything. 

This is the FIRST Her Side interview on the podcast! Each Her Side interview will feature the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse of the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply to your own life? 

This is an excerpt from the extended interview with Maple – the extended Her Side interviews are available for Patrons only.

About the Author

Sarah Martin, MA, CSC is CEO of Dignified Hedonist, a sexuality support company that guides introverted men to lead desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused lives. Sarah is the host of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast, a weekly podcast packed full of actionable information and advice for sex and relationships in the 21st century. Sarah loves rainbows, books, and Pokemon Go.

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